The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It was confusing and full of hummus
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
