it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize