Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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