I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
