So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
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So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
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i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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