he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
