i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize