I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
