she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
