1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Please don't give away my fajitas
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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