...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
