i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
