Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
