how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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