that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
