It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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