i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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