I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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