Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
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He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
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She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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