Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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