They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
