That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
How naked do you want me to be?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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