so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
