I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
