bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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