i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
