I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
