people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
