my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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