Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
