At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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