I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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