I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
