All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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