And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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