guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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