my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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