I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Randomize
