they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
