Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
