at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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