I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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