who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
How's work?
Spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Also, beer. Big fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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