If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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