Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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