Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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