Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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