Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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