its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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