Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
