I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
