I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
