why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
