and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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