I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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