Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
4 words: hood of his car
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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