I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
why is half of my head shaved?
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