just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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