I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
