Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
