Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
