You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
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having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
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the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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