dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Houston, we have a squirter
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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