The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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