I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
