Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
