Already got asked if we're dating
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
you made out with another girl for some wings
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
