I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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