yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
