Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
where are you?
Hypothermia
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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