McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
