i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
