by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
