next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
