he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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