do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
